"They conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they did not love their lives in the face of death" Rev 12:11

Of course this verse is referring to Satan in the form of a Dragon in the heavens... But do I defeat him here on earth every day through the same way? Is my love and trust in the Lord strong enough to conquer him through the little things daily. I say yes! but I wonder if that is not just lip service. I have found myself questioning myself lately about the truth of my feelings, are they true or just what I am trying to convince myself I should have. Should I have to try to convince myself of Love to my Father? Do I treat him as I do my own father or better... sadly the answer is yes, which goes to say I probably don't treat either of them the way I should. WOW! I'm a bad daughter! But it is what I know? Does God fault me for that, that I give him what I know and treat him through the only love I have to base the concept of LOVE on?
In my family love is a thing we say, we occasionally show, and always feel. I don't know how to truly show love, I feel it, but it gets pushed on the back burner unless put directly in my face to face it. How does one change this? I have a tinglie sensation... and its telling me this is why I keep others at bay, why I don't have closeness in my life.. wait I've been told this by some of the people I consider being closest to. I don't show them I care. There are so many people I cherish in my life, andI would do anything for, but do they know this? Unless there has been a reason for me to demonstrate it, no they probably don't. and I hate to say it, but in my life, the best way I know to demonstrate love is through things, money, and then actions. This in my relationship with my heavenly Father, and means I tend to live a legalistic life, and I just hope and pray that he can read my true heart and know what is there... b/c I don't know how to change. I desire to and ask for his help. I try, but I feel I am a failure b/c I am told so, I see it though the actions of the close people in my life, they do not most of the time think of me as a close person in theirs, which hurts me more than I can tell you but I know I probably deserve just that. But in reality it just makes me push them further away b/c I don't want to get hurt further by them... thus leading me to a life of solitude... how can I want from them what I have no idea to give. Treat people as we want to be treated... humm... but I don't know how I want to be treated until it happens.. and then I make a snap judgement and well basically I just suck!