So God has been trying to remind me that patience, love, and understanding are qualities that we are called to demonstrate... I must confess the past few weeks I have none, have not wanted to even think about having them, and even when I realized I was portraying the ugly side of me with none of them.. my response was I just don't care!
I am now relenting, and begging for forgiveness! See i understand that I am in a trial, I am experiencing warfare being battled for my soul, and ya'll i'm loosing. I have not been praising God for much of anything even though I am truly blessed. I have not been thankful for everything I have been given, for the forgiveness I have received, or for the knowledge I am gaining by going through this valley in the roller coaster of my life. I understand that my pride and the entitlement I believe I should have mean nothing to anyone but me, and that it is because of these things that I am where I am.
I know I could be battling much bigger things such as my friend Lindsey battling cancer, and doing it graciously. I could be battling the loss of a family member, the lack of a job, or so many things that I am truly blesses to have, and yet I for the past 2 weeks have chosen to be a snot. To be upset with a superior at work who's main objective I have decided is to make my life miserable. How selfish am I to think that even his day revolves around me. My life and mood as of late have all been surrounded around the latest conflict, which brought up all the past frustrations that I have swept under the rug, not forgiven and forgotten, not even forgiven, just stored... Does anyone else store grievances? If you do I sooooo encourage you to take that jar and dump it, it is so not worth the bad moods and hatred that eventually cause so much distance from God!
Today while driving to work, I made a promise to myself that I would get my butt back in spiritual shape. This is one of the many steps I am taking to get it there, and while it is a struggle because hatred is so much easier for me than love, but I know that while I alone can not overcome this battle, that God has already won, and when I petition his help we will surely beat down whatever comes my way!!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
frustrated humbling
"No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light."
So today I had a frustrating and humbling experience. I have a friend and co-worker getting married a week from tomorrow, and I had been told MONTHS ago that I could go and my work partner was going to work the softball tournament we are hosting. Well so today he came is saying his wife told him he was going to the wedding, so we would have to figure something out... really...seriously??? I already bought a dress and shoes etc. and was really excited about this wedding... and now a week before I'm told I can't go. Furious was not even close to describing how angry I was... I talked to our Girls Coordinator and she encouraged me to try to compromise and tried to calm me down. I thought and through about it, came back to my office to upon which i got a phone call making sure I was back so he could leave 20 min early for lunch... humm convenient.
So i had a chance to think about about it with him not in the office and came to the conclusion I would just not go to the wedding. I don't want to only go to the reception, nor do I want to attempt to get ready while at work. Further more I know I would just be bitter and angry I had to miss the actual ceremony and would not be joyous nor fun to be around at the reception. I cam back after my lunch and told him this and he just said okay, thanks. Did not even try to talk me into compromising... JERK!
But the I do my daily bible reading today on you version (phone bibles are amazingly great!!!) and while this was not the intended verse, it was included in the passage, and truly humbled me to realize that no matter what I need to be a light. My life needs to reflect God and Jesus' character. The anger and resentment no matter how often it is occuring do not need to be visible, and it is only by suppressing with prayer that I may learn to not have it at all.
So today I had a frustrating and humbling experience. I have a friend and co-worker getting married a week from tomorrow, and I had been told MONTHS ago that I could go and my work partner was going to work the softball tournament we are hosting. Well so today he came is saying his wife told him he was going to the wedding, so we would have to figure something out... really...seriously??? I already bought a dress and shoes etc. and was really excited about this wedding... and now a week before I'm told I can't go. Furious was not even close to describing how angry I was... I talked to our Girls Coordinator and she encouraged me to try to compromise and tried to calm me down. I thought and through about it, came back to my office to upon which i got a phone call making sure I was back so he could leave 20 min early for lunch... humm convenient.
So i had a chance to think about about it with him not in the office and came to the conclusion I would just not go to the wedding. I don't want to only go to the reception, nor do I want to attempt to get ready while at work. Further more I know I would just be bitter and angry I had to miss the actual ceremony and would not be joyous nor fun to be around at the reception. I cam back after my lunch and told him this and he just said okay, thanks. Did not even try to talk me into compromising... JERK!
But the I do my daily bible reading today on you version (phone bibles are amazingly great!!!) and while this was not the intended verse, it was included in the passage, and truly humbled me to realize that no matter what I need to be a light. My life needs to reflect God and Jesus' character. The anger and resentment no matter how often it is occuring do not need to be visible, and it is only by suppressing with prayer that I may learn to not have it at all.
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