lazy no more!

proverbs 12:27 “A lazy life is an empty life, but “early to rise: gets the job done. “

Since breaking my ankle, I have felt quite lazy. Unable to do what I have felt I was to do, I allowed myself to not be diligent in anything. I could no longer build houses, play soccer, walk around and visit anyone...I was feeling so sorry for myself that although people told me to use this injury as a reason to spend even more time with God to seek Him through the depression and frustration I was feeling, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was so angry that God was the last one I wanted to consult. I attempted to read both the Word and Crazy Love, but they just caused me to be frustrated more. I began to question all things, and felt much like I was a disappointment because I was lazy and because I was so clumsy to cause this to happen in the first place. I have come to realize that it was God trying to reach out to me. God using my clumsiness to His advantage to get my attention. Thanks to this verse, while it initially made me feel worse, after a few days, I now realize that lazy not only refers to physical actions, but to all tasks in our lives. I was neglecting my duty to God to learn all I could of Him and lazy about seeking my relationship with Him and my life became very empty of all joy.

I now pray for peace and a yearning to cast off my laziness and work hard at the task that I am presented with in order to fulfill God's purpose for me and my life.

This is the house we were building when I broke my ankle. If you look at the left side at the back corner of the house, you will see a part of the hole that caused my fate. :)

stupid ankle

This past week has been the hardest for me in a very long time. I broke my ankle 2 weeks ago, and the first week was not too bad with a group of 12-14 y/o but this week we have had a team of very hard working men and I have felt useless, and a burden, all while being very lonely.

I love being here, and have enjoyed the fact that I have gotten to know some of the staff so much better, but I spend so much time alone frustrated because I can't work. I on top of this feel that it annoys everyone else that they are working so hard and I am doing hardly anything... and I have to rely on their help to get even the simplest things done. I HATE IT!!! I appreciate all of their help so much, but I hate that they have to take time out of their day, and their activities to accommodate me.

I also have just felt alone quite often, they are out working, and I know everyone else is spending their days together, thus offering them things to talk about, but it also leaves me no one to talk to even when they are all around me. Feeling alone among a room full of people is so so so much harder than feeling alone actually alone.

I am trying hard to hear from God through this, and learn from the situation, but I am afraid that my feelings are working against me even still. I trust Him, and know that He has a reason, but I can't help but feel it is punishment more than an avenue for His plan, and I just don't know what to do with this. I just want to scream!!! I want so hard to be positive and happy despite my ankle, but I just don't know how!