I need your suggestions

Okay so I am trying to put together a reading list for 2011 and am taking suggestions. I'll read just about anything from classics to new and upcoming authors so suggest away! Last year I got some really great suggestions and have loved them!

random thoughts

Man... I am a slacker! My thought today are so bouncing around I figured what a better way to get them organized than to Blog about all of them...

1. Today I was reminded in a for sure real way just how great our God is and how he amazingly provides, sustains, and has every detail of our lives already worked out if we just trust in Him! My sweet friend Lindsey has had her fair share of medical problems... from Breast Cancer twice in two years, to just a week ago waking up to having a seizure resulting in her finding out she had a brain tumor. You can read her inspiring story here. Lindsey and her husband have turned everything over to God and are truly walking the steps day by day that God lays out for them. While I know they are struggling and hurting their story just makes me fall in love with God more and more everyday.

2. Honduras: I don't know where I am at with this, I am not abandoning this endeavor, nor do I want to put it on hold, yet at the same time I have not been actively working on getting prepared to leave my life this summer for it. So much needs to happen, and honestly I am conflicted. I have for the first time had a big girl job that I actually LOVE, and I am having a hard time picturing myself leaving after just one year here. I know God brought me here, and I don't know His plans and I am a planner by nature. So stepping out and walking off the cliff to see where I fall is so out of my comfort zone... while I know comfort isn't where we are designed to be, it's nice. Just like this morning, snuggled up in the cloud of feathers I call my bed with Pixie was so comfortable that I delayed getting up until the last possible second, my life in Houston has become familiar to me. Plus, fundraising, and spanish not going so well...prob. because I have no plan of attack.

3. This kind of ties in with #2 but I've been reading 2 books that are so inspiring and making me feel guilty about my feelings in #2. These are Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson and Three Cups of Tea-not sure who the author is but it's a book about Greg Mortenson and his work in Pakistan... totally both about jumping head first, having faith and trusting in the guidance God gives...

4. It's December... and while most people LOVE the holidays, to me they are just a reminder of how alone and detached I am from everything. Which is a little weird to say since I just professed my love of my life in Houston, but I don't really have much contact with my family (although since having a talk with them things have gotten better) I don't have friends in Houston really, and of course I am single so... nothing says being alone more than Holidays. Ugh! I just hate the ever present reminder... Plus I have no idea what to do for Christmas... on the Bright side my sweet sister Belky is gonna be in Victoria for Christmas and I can't wait to see her and her sweet man Stu!

so all these thought pop in and out of my mind all day...

My verse for today... 1 John 2:12
"I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name sake. "

Jesus just is so amazing, and reminders of that in any way are blessing me everywhere... and right now I need all the reminders I can get.

broken hearted

So, my favorite student is having heart surgery today, she is having a defib. put in so that her heart will work properly in spite of the deformities and conditions. Yay! But as part of the procedure, once the defib. is installed, they have to actually stop her heart to ensure that it is working. She will literally be dead for a matter of moments and this is so scary! Yesterday she was sitting in my office writing a poem to her mom which she does before every procedure and as she read the poem to me, she is talking about "when I am gone" and "be happy things happened this way" I questioned her wanting to stress her mother out even more, and her response is that I always do this. I always let her know that no matter what, I love her and no matter the outcome I am okay and happy with my life. Such wisdom for such a young person.

So, today as I am coordinating about 5 different get well cards for her and getting a gift bag full of time consuming things together for her, the verse that came to me is from Psalm 34. It says:

18 "The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves
those who are crushed in spirit."

This student has been more and more restricted as her condition has worsened and yet she always has brave face on. She tries very hard to put on her happy face, and not let anyone know that inside her spirit is crushed, and her ambitions are being trampled on. It is so comforting to know that through all of this, God is with her, he has pulled her close and will continue to save her no matter the outcome, no matter the circumstances. Our God is so great, he can overcome all obstacles and give us the hope that we let slip away. There is noting like a close hug from our father to block out all the bad around. I will be sharing this verse with her and reminding her that even though her heart may be literally broken, God is and will always step in and take over.

Confidence

So at least once a week my confidence is shaken. I have been trained to exude confidence no matter the situation, no matter the circumstances, I am to remain confident, calm, collected. I am not supposed to cave under pressure, I am not to let outside distractions shake me... well, I do! I constantly feel the laser beams of parent's eyes on my every move. I worry all the time that I am letting someone down, that I am a disappointment, that I am not doing things up to someone else's standards. I let other people's opinions of who I am, how I do things, even what I am doing to a point determine how/what I perform.
I imagine that in the old testament the Jews constantly felt the same pressure from God. Was what they were doing pleasing to God, are they doing it right, what if they mess up... will they burn in hell forever??? I know, since I have days now where I want to hide in a cave, if I were living in those times that I would seriously be afraid to do or say anything... but that would also be wrong. Seriously I would probably have been committed! Did they have padded rooms back then, padded caves maybe... I think there are days I would be better off now if I were in a straight jacket with my mouth taped shut, but then I thank God for loving me enough that he sent his Son to forgive me and wash away my sins. God broke down the barrier between Him and us, giving us a direct line to him. He opinions are the only ones who truly matters, and if we mess up we should be confident that he will forgive us. Paul tells us in Ephesians 3 that

¹²In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

I am so glad to have a father that loves us so much that no matter what he loves us and forgives us when are wrong. We can go to him with CONFIDENCE and FREEDOM... no matter the situation. No hiding in the background, no worry about 'am I saying this right' no 'what if i do the wrong thing' no fear of being pushed out, stepped over, fired, chastised, complained about to superiors... He is the "SUPERIOR" and he has given and commanded that we bring it to him no matter what! Maybe, just maybe, I won't be needing that straight jacket after all.

hope and a future

okay, okay... so I'm not very good at doing something daily... at least I'm trying! i still can't get this thing to post on my fb page... someone help!

So I have now been in Houston for 2 whole months... and I think I may have found a church. yay for stepping out trusting God to send me where he wanted me! Super excited to see where this takes me. I really just felt it was absolutely right when I show up and everyone tells me that this month is Missions month there. I just love it that no matter what I am feeling or thinking about the future God has it planned out and is constantly reminding me and making me aware that he has called me to missions and to Honduras. In the past 2 months he has caused my path to cross with 5 different people from Honduras, he puts me in places and situations all the time where missions and being a missionary come up, and now this. I love love love how my God knows me so well that he knows exactly what I need exactly when I need it! So today, my verse is a reflection of this... one that I have forever ingrained in my mind. It is the verse painted on the wall at the farm, but more importantly, painted on my heart!

" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

awe inspiring

Today I must confess that I have not been very diligent about reading consistently, and have been jumping around quite a bit... but I believe that in my inconsistency God is revealing truth and meaning to my life. So today, as I sit in my office going through the motions not really working on much of anything letting my ADHD run a muck I stumbled upon this jewel and love the call it places on us , and our actions.

Heb. 12:28
Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,
let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,
29for our "God is a consuming fire."

How often am I thankful, and in awe of the everyday things God does in my life? Sure I appreciate and stand in awe when I see amazing sunsets or sunrises, or when I witness or hear of God's work in a big way in or through someone, but what about the daily things? What about the things that don't directly involve me???

Today there was a man who decided to take a gun and start shooting in a library on the University of Texas campus... the only person injured was himself after he shot his last fatal shot. The only person! God put his hands on the other people in that building, on that campus, those driving by... but was my first thought to praise God, to stand in Awe? No it wasn't, obviously it is now but still...

Today, I was able to wake up to the sun, enjoy a nice cool morning with Pixie, and not be rushed anywhere... nothing too awe inspiring about that, but yet God allowed for that... He allowed me to find a job where that was a possibility, He allowed me to have a window facing the east, he allowed me to find and raise the sweetest Chihuahua ever... He allowed me to still be alive through all the dumb things I have done in my life...

Our God is amazing, awe inspiring, and fantastic and I am so grateful to call Him Father!

work...time... things that matter

Well folks, It's Monday! I had an amazing weekend finally getting my hair done, visiting my parents taking mom shopping and to get a pedi (her first ever... How on earth did I ever turn out girly) and then Pixie and I went to visit one of my sweet dear friend in Tyler, her husband, and her sweet Chihuahua Chi Chi. Ahh I love having a weekend in the middle of football season to relax, rest up, heal, and revamp for the long haul... ya'll bye weeks are NOT just helpful for the players, they help all involved! This weekend I heard the NFL players are still trying to negotiate with the addition of games making their seasons 18 games long, they are asking for 2 BYE weeks... and I totally think they should, they need it, their bodies need it, and the staff definitely needs it!

So my friend and I were talking this weekend about how hard and how much we work, and we work to afford the things we have that we never get to appreciate because we are never home or free to use them! Seems silly, while I tend to buy stuff for my apartment every time I move, which is about once a year, I prefer to spend my money on vacations, quality time with friends and/or family, and experiences! after all you can't take possessions with you to the grave, but the memories last forever! So today's verse just reiterates this and puts it in perspective... at least this time my logic is sound and comes from God!

"As he had come naked from his mother's womb, so will he return as he came. He will take nothing from the fruit of his labor that he can carry in his hand" Ecclesiastes 5:15

I know I wish I didn't work 12 hour days 6 days a week, I wish I had more time for relationships, for love, for the things that truly matter... but for now i have to keep reminding myself that God has me where I am for his plan, and that I can make relationships, and my work here really matter too!

Oh and here is a picture of my hair... back to looking normal! I love my Dusti!!!