I need your suggestions

Okay so I am trying to put together a reading list for 2011 and am taking suggestions. I'll read just about anything from classics to new and upcoming authors so suggest away! Last year I got some really great suggestions and have loved them!

random thoughts

Man... I am a slacker! My thought today are so bouncing around I figured what a better way to get them organized than to Blog about all of them...

1. Today I was reminded in a for sure real way just how great our God is and how he amazingly provides, sustains, and has every detail of our lives already worked out if we just trust in Him! My sweet friend Lindsey has had her fair share of medical problems... from Breast Cancer twice in two years, to just a week ago waking up to having a seizure resulting in her finding out she had a brain tumor. You can read her inspiring story here. Lindsey and her husband have turned everything over to God and are truly walking the steps day by day that God lays out for them. While I know they are struggling and hurting their story just makes me fall in love with God more and more everyday.

2. Honduras: I don't know where I am at with this, I am not abandoning this endeavor, nor do I want to put it on hold, yet at the same time I have not been actively working on getting prepared to leave my life this summer for it. So much needs to happen, and honestly I am conflicted. I have for the first time had a big girl job that I actually LOVE, and I am having a hard time picturing myself leaving after just one year here. I know God brought me here, and I don't know His plans and I am a planner by nature. So stepping out and walking off the cliff to see where I fall is so out of my comfort zone... while I know comfort isn't where we are designed to be, it's nice. Just like this morning, snuggled up in the cloud of feathers I call my bed with Pixie was so comfortable that I delayed getting up until the last possible second, my life in Houston has become familiar to me. Plus, fundraising, and spanish not going so well...prob. because I have no plan of attack.

3. This kind of ties in with #2 but I've been reading 2 books that are so inspiring and making me feel guilty about my feelings in #2. These are Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson and Three Cups of Tea-not sure who the author is but it's a book about Greg Mortenson and his work in Pakistan... totally both about jumping head first, having faith and trusting in the guidance God gives...

4. It's December... and while most people LOVE the holidays, to me they are just a reminder of how alone and detached I am from everything. Which is a little weird to say since I just professed my love of my life in Houston, but I don't really have much contact with my family (although since having a talk with them things have gotten better) I don't have friends in Houston really, and of course I am single so... nothing says being alone more than Holidays. Ugh! I just hate the ever present reminder... Plus I have no idea what to do for Christmas... on the Bright side my sweet sister Belky is gonna be in Victoria for Christmas and I can't wait to see her and her sweet man Stu!

so all these thought pop in and out of my mind all day...

My verse for today... 1 John 2:12
"I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name sake. "

Jesus just is so amazing, and reminders of that in any way are blessing me everywhere... and right now I need all the reminders I can get.

broken hearted

So, my favorite student is having heart surgery today, she is having a defib. put in so that her heart will work properly in spite of the deformities and conditions. Yay! But as part of the procedure, once the defib. is installed, they have to actually stop her heart to ensure that it is working. She will literally be dead for a matter of moments and this is so scary! Yesterday she was sitting in my office writing a poem to her mom which she does before every procedure and as she read the poem to me, she is talking about "when I am gone" and "be happy things happened this way" I questioned her wanting to stress her mother out even more, and her response is that I always do this. I always let her know that no matter what, I love her and no matter the outcome I am okay and happy with my life. Such wisdom for such a young person.

So, today as I am coordinating about 5 different get well cards for her and getting a gift bag full of time consuming things together for her, the verse that came to me is from Psalm 34. It says:

18 "The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves
those who are crushed in spirit."

This student has been more and more restricted as her condition has worsened and yet she always has brave face on. She tries very hard to put on her happy face, and not let anyone know that inside her spirit is crushed, and her ambitions are being trampled on. It is so comforting to know that through all of this, God is with her, he has pulled her close and will continue to save her no matter the outcome, no matter the circumstances. Our God is so great, he can overcome all obstacles and give us the hope that we let slip away. There is noting like a close hug from our father to block out all the bad around. I will be sharing this verse with her and reminding her that even though her heart may be literally broken, God is and will always step in and take over.

Confidence

So at least once a week my confidence is shaken. I have been trained to exude confidence no matter the situation, no matter the circumstances, I am to remain confident, calm, collected. I am not supposed to cave under pressure, I am not to let outside distractions shake me... well, I do! I constantly feel the laser beams of parent's eyes on my every move. I worry all the time that I am letting someone down, that I am a disappointment, that I am not doing things up to someone else's standards. I let other people's opinions of who I am, how I do things, even what I am doing to a point determine how/what I perform.
I imagine that in the old testament the Jews constantly felt the same pressure from God. Was what they were doing pleasing to God, are they doing it right, what if they mess up... will they burn in hell forever??? I know, since I have days now where I want to hide in a cave, if I were living in those times that I would seriously be afraid to do or say anything... but that would also be wrong. Seriously I would probably have been committed! Did they have padded rooms back then, padded caves maybe... I think there are days I would be better off now if I were in a straight jacket with my mouth taped shut, but then I thank God for loving me enough that he sent his Son to forgive me and wash away my sins. God broke down the barrier between Him and us, giving us a direct line to him. He opinions are the only ones who truly matters, and if we mess up we should be confident that he will forgive us. Paul tells us in Ephesians 3 that

¹²In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

I am so glad to have a father that loves us so much that no matter what he loves us and forgives us when are wrong. We can go to him with CONFIDENCE and FREEDOM... no matter the situation. No hiding in the background, no worry about 'am I saying this right' no 'what if i do the wrong thing' no fear of being pushed out, stepped over, fired, chastised, complained about to superiors... He is the "SUPERIOR" and he has given and commanded that we bring it to him no matter what! Maybe, just maybe, I won't be needing that straight jacket after all.

hope and a future

okay, okay... so I'm not very good at doing something daily... at least I'm trying! i still can't get this thing to post on my fb page... someone help!

So I have now been in Houston for 2 whole months... and I think I may have found a church. yay for stepping out trusting God to send me where he wanted me! Super excited to see where this takes me. I really just felt it was absolutely right when I show up and everyone tells me that this month is Missions month there. I just love it that no matter what I am feeling or thinking about the future God has it planned out and is constantly reminding me and making me aware that he has called me to missions and to Honduras. In the past 2 months he has caused my path to cross with 5 different people from Honduras, he puts me in places and situations all the time where missions and being a missionary come up, and now this. I love love love how my God knows me so well that he knows exactly what I need exactly when I need it! So today, my verse is a reflection of this... one that I have forever ingrained in my mind. It is the verse painted on the wall at the farm, but more importantly, painted on my heart!

" For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

awe inspiring

Today I must confess that I have not been very diligent about reading consistently, and have been jumping around quite a bit... but I believe that in my inconsistency God is revealing truth and meaning to my life. So today, as I sit in my office going through the motions not really working on much of anything letting my ADHD run a muck I stumbled upon this jewel and love the call it places on us , and our actions.

Heb. 12:28
Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken,
let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,
29for our "God is a consuming fire."

How often am I thankful, and in awe of the everyday things God does in my life? Sure I appreciate and stand in awe when I see amazing sunsets or sunrises, or when I witness or hear of God's work in a big way in or through someone, but what about the daily things? What about the things that don't directly involve me???

Today there was a man who decided to take a gun and start shooting in a library on the University of Texas campus... the only person injured was himself after he shot his last fatal shot. The only person! God put his hands on the other people in that building, on that campus, those driving by... but was my first thought to praise God, to stand in Awe? No it wasn't, obviously it is now but still...

Today, I was able to wake up to the sun, enjoy a nice cool morning with Pixie, and not be rushed anywhere... nothing too awe inspiring about that, but yet God allowed for that... He allowed me to find a job where that was a possibility, He allowed me to have a window facing the east, he allowed me to find and raise the sweetest Chihuahua ever... He allowed me to still be alive through all the dumb things I have done in my life...

Our God is amazing, awe inspiring, and fantastic and I am so grateful to call Him Father!

work...time... things that matter

Well folks, It's Monday! I had an amazing weekend finally getting my hair done, visiting my parents taking mom shopping and to get a pedi (her first ever... How on earth did I ever turn out girly) and then Pixie and I went to visit one of my sweet dear friend in Tyler, her husband, and her sweet Chihuahua Chi Chi. Ahh I love having a weekend in the middle of football season to relax, rest up, heal, and revamp for the long haul... ya'll bye weeks are NOT just helpful for the players, they help all involved! This weekend I heard the NFL players are still trying to negotiate with the addition of games making their seasons 18 games long, they are asking for 2 BYE weeks... and I totally think they should, they need it, their bodies need it, and the staff definitely needs it!

So my friend and I were talking this weekend about how hard and how much we work, and we work to afford the things we have that we never get to appreciate because we are never home or free to use them! Seems silly, while I tend to buy stuff for my apartment every time I move, which is about once a year, I prefer to spend my money on vacations, quality time with friends and/or family, and experiences! after all you can't take possessions with you to the grave, but the memories last forever! So today's verse just reiterates this and puts it in perspective... at least this time my logic is sound and comes from God!

"As he had come naked from his mother's womb, so will he return as he came. He will take nothing from the fruit of his labor that he can carry in his hand" Ecclesiastes 5:15

I know I wish I didn't work 12 hour days 6 days a week, I wish I had more time for relationships, for love, for the things that truly matter... but for now i have to keep reminding myself that God has me where I am for his plan, and that I can make relationships, and my work here really matter too!

Oh and here is a picture of my hair... back to looking normal! I love my Dusti!!!

loveable...

Okay, so I love being challenged... as long as it does not persecute me personally. I on the other hand HATE when people attack me, my values, my thoughts, my actions. I like to tell myself that this isn't pride in myself, but pride in my Fathers creation. For He made me who I am, and I consult with Him most of the time (i know, i know) but I digress... so this passage challenges me to the core, because although it is not a new idea to me, it is a reminder more often than not that I am not the loving person I should be, heck I don't always manage to "love the loveable" much less the unloveable, does everyone struggle with this???

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[b] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

But I love The Message version,

43-47"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

I know... let everyone bring out the best in you.. wow!

ohh daddy....

Goodness, I am a slacker already! already missing days someone slap my hand and tell me to get on the ball!

So today, I am actually making progress on my desk... you can see desk again! WOO HOO!!! This is a huge accomplishment considering all the paperwork that has lived on it for the past 6 weeks. I am finally starting to see organization in my tiny closet of an office. This is one side. This is the other... notice the closet bar...
So in cleaning off my desk, I found one of my cards on which I had written John 14: 13-14 on the back. So I choose to look up the reference because lets face it, I'm not so good at memorization, and here is what it says.

13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. ¹⁴You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.

How reassuring is it that we have someone in our corner no matter what... no petty fights or comments, no moving away and forgetting, not even death; nothing at all that we can do would chase him away! God will always come through for us, always answer the call of Daddy.... I can't think of anything better!

Test

test, test, test!

my mantra for today!

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:6

Today I am choosing to seek God at the beginning of every conversation, of every action, every e-mail because it will be with his strength that I conquer my hurts, habits, and hang ups and move forward with what is best. It isn't easy, it isn't fun, but instead of fighting everything I come up against. I am going to try this humble, meek, always nice person that I am expected to be, that I have asked to be, and see where and how it works out. I am seeking what He wants and since this has been a reoccurring theme in people's complaints about me I am trusting it is from Him so here goes nothing! The following pictures are borrowed (without permission but they are on fb for goodness sakes) from friends who were hiking in Honduras this summer after mudslides and lots of rain...

The rain completely washed away any sign of the trail...
Here is the trail... amazing! God does the same thing, even when our paths are hidden by debris, or washed away, God provides a trail!

grace...

do you ever wonder at the end of the day whether that day you were the window or the rock? Today all day I was feeling pretty good, life was clean, I mean my day was the Windex commercials with the birds flying into the window it was so clear. My day rocked... until the end of practice and the parent meeting I have been dreading. and without going into details, basically I am inadequate, my efforts mean nothing, nothing I do will make her happy, yet I will be writing contingency plans for every possible situation and planning, and explaining in written detail how to accomplish every little task. If I didn't love my job, I don't know that I would be dealing with this... but I know 2 Samuel 22 says it best when David says:

2Our LORD and our God,
you are my mighty rock, my fortress, my protector.

Praise Jesus for His love, His strength, and His forgiveness because on my own I am not worthy. I can't show grace without first knowing His and accepting His!

comfort and joy

I have felt quite accomplished today! I was able to cross off 95% of the things on my to-do list, I didn't drink coffee this morning because I have been feeling that I need to cut back on the amount of caffeine I consume on a daily basis, I made and brought my own lunch to work instead of going to get food somewhere thus saving myself calories and money... I just feel accomplished. I have been talking to a friend of mine in Honduras and praying for her today, talking to my heart student who was admitted to the hospital yesterday for more testing, and I have had a looming parent meeting hanging over my head all day because this parent is particularly difficult and a lawyer so you never feel like you win with her.. I think they teach intimidation in law school .. really! But In all honesty, I am not too worried about these things, I know they are in God's hands and I know that He is by my side through it all and he has prepared me and instructed me, guided me, and loved me... I have no fear! So today my verse comes from Philippians 2.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.”

I do have this comfort, this encouragement, this joy and I ask you to find the same just as this verse says. Below is a picture of so many people that brought me all these things this summer because they were will to become like minded with Christ. Love each of them!

Mercy and joy

Today is a Monday, but glorious in itself. So many people come in and out of my life and are such a blessing yet I often focus on the few who make my life difficult. I know that I don't have to be burdened by them, if I only choose to offer my struggles to God. I am working on making that the rule not the exception in my life. I want to, as I have today, be able to walk through life with a smile on my face bringing joy to people I see. I want to be the positive influence in others that I have recieved because I may be the one person God has chosen to lift up someone. So today,s verse goes right along with this and comes to me from Jude 1.

²²Be merciful to those who doubt; ²³snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

God has given me much mercy, and he will do the same for all. Sometimes that mercy comes from each other, from believers, and from himself. I am in need of a constant reminder to be merciful and loving to all. I know that I am not alone in this and am so blessed to have the opportunity to share this with anyone who reads this as well as myself. :)

Be blessed!

Humbling

Today was a day I did nothing, really. I cooked some food for the week, in hopes that I would not only save a little money, but eat a little healthier. Today the healthy part, I am not so sure about, maybe it's just because I was around food all day but I feel like I ate all day too! Ugh is there such a thing as eaters remorse???

Anyways my verse for today is from James, I dunno I just felt like I was supposed to read this today so here it is. James 4:10.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

Today startes a campain my church is Victoria is doing called 40 days of no excuses, and man how humbling that is. When you really stop and think about how many excuses you use in a day? Excuses about running late, excuses about wrinkles in clothes, excuses about not getting everything done, excuses about being excused for bumping into someone... Everyday is filled with excuses, lack of self control, putting blame on someone, or anyone/thing but yourself because we are so proud to think that circumstances, inanimate objects, etc. are the cause of our troubles. So friends, I encourage you to do just as this verse commands, humble yourself and allow God the chance to do some amazing things in your life.

strength

As I am bombarded with an upset mother at 8:30 this morning which I let affect me more than normal and cause me to wonder if I am doing anything right and if I even need to be here... I had a meeting with my student with the heart condition and while we were both crying by the end of it, I realized that God does have me here for a reason, and I can't let an angry pushy parent or two bring me down. I have Him on my side and He gives me strength and encouragement through the toughest situations. so for today my verse is Joshua 1:9

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you
wherever you go."

Friends, readers of this, if you don't have this kind of relationship with God I encourage you to find it. Ask questions, read, but come to have God with you always! I have to remind myself of this often, but I know I always have him, and I have peace because of that.

light in the darkness

So this week for me has been a crazy week filled with parent complaints, difficult students, and lack of motivation on my part... So I started a project. yes I realize this makes no sense that I have no motivation but I am adding more to my plate... but this, is a project of encouragement meant to lift my spirits as those who come in contact with me. So my project is to find words of encouragement in The Word everyday and share them here. yes I am taking on and committing myself to blog everyday, and yes this has happened before, and no I have never followed through, BUT I think it is worth my effort and maybe if I put reminders everywhere I won't let my distractions distract me too much from getting it done.

So for today, the verse comes from one of my favorite students who is facing many health difficulties and having to give up everything she has loved because she has now been diagnosed with not one but THE top TWO killers of children both of which are dealing with her heart. Please keep her in your prayers as she will soon be getting a cath. and internal defib. Her verse is John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it.

This is one of my favorite early morning views, and I can't wait to be back in Honduras to see it all the time!!!

auto pilot???

It's been almost 2 months since my last post.. for many reasons, and while I hate making excuses, I have since I've been back moved and started a new job. I have also been very reflective over the summer and everything that happened. Here is a thought I had a few days ago, and a few pictures from my summer!

As I was driving home from work the other day, I realized that in the past couple days I haven't had to plan my steps, avoiding obstacles, find the easiest and safest route... I am on auto pilot again as far as walking goes. This got me thinking, after spending so much time in Honduras this summer and working with so many teams I heard so many times, "My time here has changed my life" and it is true. Trips like theirs, and surely trips like mine change lives. They change not only the people we are witnessing to, but also ours...often with the greater impact being on our own. It is easy to return to the states, and remember for a few weeks maybe months, but sooner or later our tendacy is to go back on auto pilot. We get involved in out lives, our jobs or school, and the memories and the impact become distant thoughts pushed back, behind the grocery lists.

This summer taught me a lot about my walk with God and so many areas it needed to be improved on, and as I am learning to walk again after being in a cast, on crutches, not walking, I feel I am also walking in a new way with God. I want to much to keep my walk with God a focus in my life, yet I was so pleasantly pleased with myself for not having to think about every step I take... although most still hurt even that is becoming easier to block out and move past... in the past my walk with God has become much like this. I once heard being healthy means never having to think about your body. But it has been my experience that when we don't think about our spiritual health and relationships our health fades.

amazing week!

This week has been absolutely amazing! I love my church and my Parkway people who are here. I knew most of the group, but have enjoyed immensely the ones I have come to meet here. It has been so amazing to leave the farm and be a part of people’s lives here in Honduras…afterall that is what I came here to do. This week really has been the first tiem I’ve left the farm since I broke my ankle. In my down time I have learned a lot, been humbled a lot, and realized a lot about myself and the many things I need to work on… I am such a mess! But this week, has also shown and taught me much about my ministry, the impression I leave on people, and how my attitude affects those around me.
The last two days we went into the mountains to a village called Monte Verde. A group of guys from my church came down in April and built a church here, and that is where we stayed, did a medical clinic, and were able to witness to and love on the people in the area. It is such a blessing to be able to see how God just continues to use Parkway people to bless so many people, and how many Parkway people are willing to allow God to use them in this way. It was so heartwarming to see God working in so many people’s lives both native and in the people who came to serve. They were served just as much and I am so glad I was able to witness and be a part of this. Tomorrow I will have pictures and tell you about the many things I learned this week… tonight I am just to exhausted.

lazy no more!

proverbs 12:27 “A lazy life is an empty life, but “early to rise: gets the job done. “

Since breaking my ankle, I have felt quite lazy. Unable to do what I have felt I was to do, I allowed myself to not be diligent in anything. I could no longer build houses, play soccer, walk around and visit anyone...I was feeling so sorry for myself that although people told me to use this injury as a reason to spend even more time with God to seek Him through the depression and frustration I was feeling, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was so angry that God was the last one I wanted to consult. I attempted to read both the Word and Crazy Love, but they just caused me to be frustrated more. I began to question all things, and felt much like I was a disappointment because I was lazy and because I was so clumsy to cause this to happen in the first place. I have come to realize that it was God trying to reach out to me. God using my clumsiness to His advantage to get my attention. Thanks to this verse, while it initially made me feel worse, after a few days, I now realize that lazy not only refers to physical actions, but to all tasks in our lives. I was neglecting my duty to God to learn all I could of Him and lazy about seeking my relationship with Him and my life became very empty of all joy.

I now pray for peace and a yearning to cast off my laziness and work hard at the task that I am presented with in order to fulfill God's purpose for me and my life.

This is the house we were building when I broke my ankle. If you look at the left side at the back corner of the house, you will see a part of the hole that caused my fate. :)

stupid ankle

This past week has been the hardest for me in a very long time. I broke my ankle 2 weeks ago, and the first week was not too bad with a group of 12-14 y/o but this week we have had a team of very hard working men and I have felt useless, and a burden, all while being very lonely.

I love being here, and have enjoyed the fact that I have gotten to know some of the staff so much better, but I spend so much time alone frustrated because I can't work. I on top of this feel that it annoys everyone else that they are working so hard and I am doing hardly anything... and I have to rely on their help to get even the simplest things done. I HATE IT!!! I appreciate all of their help so much, but I hate that they have to take time out of their day, and their activities to accommodate me.

I also have just felt alone quite often, they are out working, and I know everyone else is spending their days together, thus offering them things to talk about, but it also leaves me no one to talk to even when they are all around me. Feeling alone among a room full of people is so so so much harder than feeling alone actually alone.

I am trying hard to hear from God through this, and learn from the situation, but I am afraid that my feelings are working against me even still. I trust Him, and know that He has a reason, but I can't help but feel it is punishment more than an avenue for His plan, and I just don't know what to do with this. I just want to scream!!! I want so hard to be positive and happy despite my ankle, but I just don't know how!

day 1 of team work

So today was a lot of fun. It actually didn't rain at all today.. Thanks, Agatha, for the reprieve. We went to the comedor where they give little kids with no food at home food, and work with them on school things. We taught a VBS to these adorable little kids about teamwork and helping out your friends. I was in charge of games, but I thought I would have older kids so the games I planned for were not really possible, but we had a lot of fun playing Simon says, passing a soccer ball, and duck duck goose.

Afterwards the other interns and I as well as part of the team here went to the park in town and played soccer... we tried to get some of the locals to play with us, but they looked us like we were the loca gringos and declined our offer. In fact the only local to come around our big group was the crazy old townie guy who walks around with a cup asking for things... fun thing is he like so many others here always had a smile on his face and was not bothered at all by his circumstances, just happy to be able to do what he does. I love the happy hears of the people here!

side note... i'm going to try to add pictures to this post, but I can't upload things except between 2-5 am so until I get to an internet cafe it'll have to wait.

Rain... teams... learning

Rain! Rain! Go away, come again... wait no don't! It has rained every day since I got here, and i'm not talking a little rain in the afternoon... i'm talking torrential downpours. There is appartntly a tropical depression brewing and stiring over Honduras... roads are closed, busses are getting stuck, airports, schools businesses all closed due to flooding and mudslides. We had a team come in yesterday and on their way to the farm they got stuck in the mud, slid down the "road" and finally got here way late. Their plans for going into the mountains were trashed, and the plan is now to do eye exams at the local schools around Yamaranguila, since we currently can't really get any where else.



We had youth group today after doing eye exams here at the farm for the students and it was amazing! I love that even when music is in spanish, I still am able to worship. And when the message is geared toward students, that I got so much out of it. I love that God knows each hair on my head, He knows His plans, and all I have to do is listen and obey. Such a good reminder, and it just confirmes to me that this is where He wants me and He will make it all happen.



I just love God!!!

first few days

So my first few days here in Yamaranguila have been mostly uneventful and pretty low key. I'm lovign the people of course, and I am so ready for my sweet Belky, Flor, and everyone else to get to the farm!!! We have teams scheduled to be here every day all summer except 2 so it will be very interesting and fun! Pictures to come:) Miss everyone!

Okay, so today while reading my usual bloggie friends blogs, I came across this post http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/2010/05/the-twilight-saga/ on Shannon Ethridge's blog... and this sentence is what stuck out to me...

Here’s the thing ladies–God made us to respond to passion. To wooing. To desire. He created us, as women, to physically and emotionally respond when pursued. And that, is to be celebrated.
this had these verses following...

“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love. With loving-kindness I have pursued you…” (Jeremiah 31:3)

“How precious are Your thoughts towards me, O God. How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand on the shore…” (Psalm 139: 17 & 18)

“Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away with Me…” (Song of Solomon 2:13)

So, here's why this stuck out to me... What about those women like myself, that passion does not drive? In my life, when I am pursued by guys with any more than fleeting intent I get annoyed and turned off. I'm not a chaser, I just don't like being hounded, no matter how sweetly, politely, good intentioned it is... so how does one go about enjoying and accepting pursuit???

Hondo Ticket Bought!

Yesterday was a big day for me, I (finally) bought my plane ticket for Honduras for the summer. This is the beautiful place I'll be spending my summer.. jealousy is allowed. :)


Spending lots of money at once always stirrs my emotions, tugs at the frugal side of my brain, and just makes me nervous. I will never understand how I can make 5 gazillion little purchases back to back and not bat and eye, but when it comes down to investments, my stomach turns to one big knot with my head telling me that I don't need it... Shouldn't it be the other way around? I am sure that I don't need 99.99% of the little purchases I make, but when are investments a bad thing???

Okay, back to the post (please bear with my ADHD this morning) So, I bought my ticket. I couldn't be more excited about going, and each day only brings more excitement. I am ready to do the Lord's work, ready to live my life guided by Him and not my yucky boss. I am sad to have to leave my sweet Pixie for 3 months, and nervous about coming back and having to move and start a new job. The nervousness and next job deserve their own post coming soon. it's funny how one little click of a button causes all these emotions in my heart and I only hope that the giddiness and joy from God allowing me this opportunity overcome all the negative I am sure to face in the next month.

Walking on water

So today, and really this week, I am focusing on stepping out on faith. Trusting that I won't drown and that my life will only prosper through and and all trials I am faced with as long as my steps are guided by God. As I was driving to work I heard this song, and while I've heard it a million times it just spoke to me today.

You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you,
Telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are waiting, what are you waiting for

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water,
Walk on the water too.

by: Britt Nicole

I for sure don't want my faith to only be strong in the winter!!!

I

Whats that you say?

Psalm 32:3 "When I kept it all inside,
my bones turned to powder,
my words became daylong groans."

God is our ultimate listener. I so often forget this, because I have so many thoughts in my head when I release them, I want a response. It could be a response I don't like, but I would still like something. Some acknowledgment that someone is hearing me and paying attention to me. See I like attention. But I have felt that I have become negative and 90% of what comes out of my mouth is negative and while I thought I knew the cause for this, this verse is pointing me in a different direction, and that would be back at me. That little kid adage about "you shouldn't point because when you do you have 3 fingers pointing back at you" yup it's true. I have blamed my attitude and mood on my co-worker because when I am away from Him I am not in that mood, but this verse calls me out on the fact that I have not truly given it to God and I have kept it all internally. I have, and I know it. I didn't want to forgive him because I am tired of being walked over. I didn't want to forget because I felt I needed ammunition. I have not been portraying a Godly attitude, or seeking God in the situation and my "bones are turning to powder". My life as I know it, is being crushed. I asked God the other day why it takes such magnitude for me to get on board, and get with the program, why can't I take the little hints, the nudges? I do think it is because I have not been open to accept them, I think that since I can handle every situation with God that I must try and I need to remember that sometimes He gives us horrible situations not to go through them but to remind us what He is delivering us from!

watergates...not that watergate

^{Psalm 29:10} Above the floodwater's is God's throne
from which his power flows,
from which he rules the world.




OK so this picture of the Hoover Dam at night with everything calm and serene, I think of that is God sitting on top of that, looking down thinking "man I did good, this is beautiful" "I taught these humans well, gave them so much intelligence that they could build these magnificent things" " they take this and harness it for better use of their resources, they create usable energy from the simple things I gave them"

How blessed are we that God gave us these things, and our minds to create these things? And yes I know the other side where the conversationalists think dams are the most horrible things ever because they harm wildlife, kill fishies, etc. but I don't agree so I choose not to think that way :)




Then there is this picture of the exact same dam and... OK so God begins hearing from us humans... "man God blessed me, he gave me a brain, and I used this to make this magnificent creation" We begin to take credit. God hears, but there is still some praise to Him mixed in there, He must think "man these guys are ungrateful" but he may let it slide and only open one gate... we as humans continue with things working smoothly we wanted to let a little water in it works, we create energy, we are handling life pretty well. we begin to think we are the ones with the power, we make the decisions, we run things, we become proud. God sees this and hates it, e says "oh yeah well I have the power and if you need to be reminded here ya go" and he opens all those flood gates, floods the river, the surrounding land, and causes power overloads because the equipment couldn't handle all that energy and power at once... Life goes back to the basics, we are humbled, and God once again has the power.

How often in our own lives does this scenario play out? In mine, I have to admit more often than I would like. I am learning to praise Him through the good and the bad. Life has so many twists and turns hills and valleys... life at least mine really is a roller coaster or mass proportions. There is no way I am in control. Even when I am doing as much right as I know how, I apparently still am wrong and am reminded of this by having things slap me in the face or taken away from me... and after thinking through things, God is just trying to move me, to shake things up, and get me back on His track seeking Him again... Why am I so stubborn and proud that it takes things of great magnitude to get my attention...

Today I am having to take my own advice... and this does not come easy for me. I absolutely HATE having to do it... but when you know it's right, no matter how much your heart just isn't in it it must be done... right???

So what is this wonderful advice you ask?? Well it is that when facing difficult people, it is most likely they are being difficult, ugly, hurtful people because they are themselves hurting. So in order to break this cycle, we must not react with ugliness, but we must pray for them. Right then and there. YIKES! and I know that praying for someone even when we don't want to or feel particularly excited about it... it not only benefits them, but even more so us because we are learning Jesus level compassion... So my challenge to myself and to you if you feel so inclined is to every time someone annoys you, is ugly to you, causes you pain, or distress is to stop and pray...for THEM...

And just because I love a friendly face in the mornings a treat for you! I just love my sweet niece Shelby!!!

Confessions

So God has been trying to remind me that patience, love, and understanding are qualities that we are called to demonstrate... I must confess the past few weeks I have none, have not wanted to even think about having them, and even when I realized I was portraying the ugly side of me with none of them.. my response was I just don't care!

I am now relenting, and begging for forgiveness! See i understand that I am in a trial, I am experiencing warfare being battled for my soul, and ya'll i'm loosing. I have not been praising God for much of anything even though I am truly blessed. I have not been thankful for everything I have been given, for the forgiveness I have received, or for the knowledge I am gaining by going through this valley in the roller coaster of my life. I understand that my pride and the entitlement I believe I should have mean nothing to anyone but me, and that it is because of these things that I am where I am.

I know I could be battling much bigger things such as my friend Lindsey battling cancer, and doing it graciously. I could be battling the loss of a family member, the lack of a job, or so many things that I am truly blesses to have, and yet I for the past 2 weeks have chosen to be a snot. To be upset with a superior at work who's main objective I have decided is to make my life miserable. How selfish am I to think that even his day revolves around me. My life and mood as of late have all been surrounded around the latest conflict, which brought up all the past frustrations that I have swept under the rug, not forgiven and forgotten, not even forgiven, just stored... Does anyone else store grievances? If you do I sooooo encourage you to take that jar and dump it, it is so not worth the bad moods and hatred that eventually cause so much distance from God!

Today while driving to work, I made a promise to myself that I would get my butt back in spiritual shape. This is one of the many steps I am taking to get it there, and while it is a struggle because hatred is so much easier for me than love, but I know that while I alone can not overcome this battle, that God has already won, and when I petition his help we will surely beat down whatever comes my way!!!

frustrated humbling

"No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light."

So today I had a frustrating and humbling experience. I have a friend and co-worker getting married a week from tomorrow, and I had been told MONTHS ago that I could go and my work partner was going to work the softball tournament we are hosting. Well so today he came is saying his wife told him he was going to the wedding, so we would have to figure something out... really...seriously??? I already bought a dress and shoes etc. and was really excited about this wedding... and now a week before I'm told I can't go. Furious was not even close to describing how angry I was... I talked to our Girls Coordinator and she encouraged me to try to compromise and tried to calm me down. I thought and through about it, came back to my office to upon which i got a phone call making sure I was back so he could leave 20 min early for lunch... humm convenient.
So i had a chance to think about about it with him not in the office and came to the conclusion I would just not go to the wedding. I don't want to only go to the reception, nor do I want to attempt to get ready while at work. Further more I know I would just be bitter and angry I had to miss the actual ceremony and would not be joyous nor fun to be around at the reception. I cam back after my lunch and told him this and he just said okay, thanks. Did not even try to talk me into compromising... JERK!
But the I do my daily bible reading today on you version (phone bibles are amazingly great!!!) and while this was not the intended verse, it was included in the passage, and truly humbled me to realize that no matter what I need to be a light. My life needs to reflect God and Jesus' character. The anger and resentment no matter how often it is occuring do not need to be visible, and it is only by suppressing with prayer that I may learn to not have it at all.

trust?!?!?!?!

This week has been a roller coaster of a week, emotions wise! But Praise Jesus for calming my spirit, giving me peace, and providing so much love!

My verse for yesterday was Psalm 27:1

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? "

And ya'll He really is all those things! I was really worried about work stuff, well worried, frustrated, confused, hurt, you get the picture. I just hate finding things out happening behind your back, and being reaffirmed that you can't trust people you spend most of your day with... it stinks! But God has taken me from a point of almost tears, to peace, understanding, and growth! I just love what he is doing in my life even though it is tough living through it!!!
and I love how God has given me so many wonderful people in my life, even when I was angry he was taking one away from me physically, I have learned that she is still such a part of my life, and I just don't know what I would do if I didn't know her! God for sure has a plan, and I am seeing that more clearly everyday when I just step out and trust. So if your not at that point, and your not relying on him for your strength let me take this time to encourage you to have a little chat with him and try for today to take a step of faith and trust in him, ask him to be a part of your life... I promise you won't regret it.

daily motivation

So many things are going through my head at the moment that I hope I can put a clear point out in this post. :)

Budget bonus: This weekend has been cold, and with a heater that does not work in my apartment the chill was never escaped, but i'm not complaining... my checkbook will absolutely love me when my electric bill arrives. :)

So last week I posted about my daily verse and applying it... I must admit it is much easier to do this when I am living life and at work around people than when I recluse in my apartment over the weekend (short as it is working 6 days a week). Today's verse is another good one and again easy to apply at work :)

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God are above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights int he world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.

First off I love the word toil.. not sure why, but it just brings a smile to my face.

So no grumbling, complaining, brooding over anything... In ALL things.. really.. ALL humm must work on this. Throw in the no disputing and right there you have cut out half of my words for the day... it made me sad when I realized this little fact, happiness must be infused!!!

Appear as lights... not sound as lights, no words needed, bells and whistles go elsewhere. be a guide by sight only, but don't do it to make yourself better or to advance myself, do it because it is pleasing to God and to the people I am around.

Loving God=loving others=eventually loving myself so yay for improvement and moving forward in all relationships.

keeping my mouth shut!

SO I had a completely different blog post ready for today, but in light of my morning I am changing it. :)

First my verse for today is: Proverbs 10:19 "where there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but He who restrains his lips is wise. "

This so goes with my morning happenings and is allowing me to use it throughout my day! woot I can see application!!!

I must start this by saying, my co-worker and I often have discussions, and we for sure have very different opinions on situations and how to handle them. We just think very differently... which has in the past two years often led to many conflicts. I need to learn to let things go more easily and just learn.

So P pushes our kids to all leave town go to college, and "do something with their life" I made the comment that no everyone needs to or should go away to school. He views all the kids who come home after a semester or don't leave town as failures. If they work at a plant here they are failures... even though they make twice his salary. Now I'm not saying that money makes you successful, but if you are able to take care of your family, are happy, and enjoy your
life does that not make you successful? Often the people who go away to school, can't handle being away, or don't like being away, does that make all of them failures.. No I don't think so. He pushes kids to the point they don't want to talk to him because he is trying to make them do what he thinks they should. I only said something because I have had kids express to me that they wish he would stop. He says if they come home they are failures, if they never leave they are failures, and it is our fault therefor we are failures. -- he walked away thinking he is right and I am wrong and he was done with this convo.

-- He comes back in and sits down telling me about one of our students who is failing a class because she won't get up to go to tutorials to take a test..." Not my problem" I say, "am not going to baby her." He throws his hands up in the air and says quite loudly, "so your not
going to baby them, but you aren't going to push them" --then walks back out

On top of this, anything I do, or anything anyone else comes in our office and says he feels the need to make a comment. He is the type of person that when walks into a room, makes a comment to or about what he sees not thinking about appropriateness, worth, or merit. Drives me CRAZY!!! He talks to him self about things he sees, and makes comments about or repeats what he reads on the computer... people we SHARE an office! In my mind, have some respect for the share part and shut up!

Ok over my rant... so application of the verse... While it would be easy to share this verse with him, and show him he should maybe just be quiet just for a little while, 1. it would not work b/c he would not get it. 2. His views on being a Christian are reserved for Sundays for an hour or two, otherwise no one would know he even had heard of Jesus and salvation, loving one another etc...

But really, I am applying this verse to myself. One by not verbalizing what I just wrote, and 2. more importantly, I know there are times when I speak before I should, or when I shouldn't. We all have had those times when we look back and reflect only to think "man if only I had kept my mouth shut" So from now on, when he irritates me, annoys me, or tries to bait me I am going to think back to this verse and remember it is more Christlike to keep it shut then see who can have the bigger pile of word vomit!

It's not a resolution....

I am learning so many new ideas, thoughts, ways to grow and so this being the new year I have decided to write about a few of these. Some I am trying to implement into my life permanently and some are just whims that will last only a brief moment but either way they are things that even if I do not carry them out maybe someone will; and I'm all about sharing!

Today's new endeavor is one I plan on keeping. I am currently reading a book called "becoming a good Bible-study girl" by Lysa TerKeurst... president of Provers 31 Ministries... If you haven't' heard of her or the 31 girls check it out. So in this book, Lysa suggests breaking down verses, and analyzing each part of it while doing your bible study everyday. While I do not always sit down and read my bible like I should (also on this list of things to do) I do have a verse come to my e-mail on my blackberry everyday. I try to live out these verses on their day and share as I feel compelled.

So My plan is to combine these two ideas and break down each verse of the day. I have a cute pink note card holder and all just for this purpose.