life lessons

"Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:14 This is the verse I woke up to today, and it could not have been any more fitting for my life today. I have constantly been reminded since moving to the awesome Port Lavaca America, that I am a harsh person who is unapproachable, and apparently to my students the worst person they will ever meet. Well I am sorry that I expect more than mediocrity, and my intentions are to teach you how to live in the world I know it to be and have experienced, not just the insides of the P.L.. My first reaction is to fire back, to react, and for sure not out of love... But I'm learning. Last night the student I was feeling so attacked and wronged by, I wanted to get deported... (whole other story) but I got to thinking Jesus would not have her deported even if she is illegal, and costing $, He would love her and embrace her. I don't know that I am to a point where I can embrace her, or anyone else down here for that matter, but I can try to carry myself out of love. How this looks I am not really sure yet, but I realize that in my life I obviously don't show love... I show hardness. How does one go about changing that; I haven't the foggiest... but I have asked God to show me and guide me, now I just have to learn to see it when He does. Man oh Man why can't life lessons come easy?????

Seasons of life

The end of the school year has in my life always been a time of rejoice, a time of joy, and a sign of relaxation to come. This year while I am thankful for a break from the monotony of work soon, I find myself feeling very discontent with life and my situation. I feel very much as if I have don't nothing special, spectacular, or moving in short I've wasted a year. The summer is a time of joy and celebration as many friends enter into marriage, parenthood, and new beginnings. I am overjoyed to share in these times with my friends, however I can't help but feel unattached, discontent, and lonely with my own life. As a single girl in my mid 20's I am reaching a point where I wonder if this is where I will be for the rest of my life. Will I stay single, is my current job where i am destined to be until I retire, is this the life i have arranged for myself?
1 Corinthians 7 tells us:

34An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

I know from this that singleness is a blessing, a season in life that I am totally available to God with nothing else in my life more important. I have given my life to God and desire to do His will, yet I am not feeling direction to do anything different with my life from what I am except for the discontent in my own heart. I can't help but think this discontent comes from God, and yet I am not feeling direction towards anything else. Is this just a season as another year winds down where I question my worth and actions, or am I missing the point of my life? Am I doing what God wants, or am I allowing my head decide completely ignoring my heart thus blocking God. I am beginning to hate the change of seasons!

Sleep...

There are 3 basic needs a person needs to survive... Water, Food and sleep. Without sleep a person is susceptible to Type II Diabetes, decreased language processing, decreased memory, psychosis, Bi-polar disorder, heart disease, increase stress hormones=more stress, enhanced hypothalmic activity( body regulation, digestion, mood, energy usage) impaired ability to reaction/function, and obesity. I have struggled with insomnia (diagnosed with multiple sleep studies) my entire life. I mean I quit taking naps when I was 2... Who does that??? I was on sleeping pills through high school and college because not only can I not fall asleep, when I do fall asleep I wake up constantly. Now these sleeping wern't the addicting sleep aid business, oh nooooo more like the sedative that just induces a coma like state.. woo hoo Ask my friend Steph about the effects of my lovely sleeping pills!!! haha This year, with the decrease in stress due to not being in grad school AND working a full time job has helped some, and I have been sleeping more regularly with out my trusty sleeping pills, but here in the past month, I have been averaging if i'm lucky 4 hours of sleep a night... this week more like 2. i'm thinking it's coma time again... Just in time for summer woo hoo!!! At least I have a reason/cause for being fat now... haha