Confessions

So God has been trying to remind me that patience, love, and understanding are qualities that we are called to demonstrate... I must confess the past few weeks I have none, have not wanted to even think about having them, and even when I realized I was portraying the ugly side of me with none of them.. my response was I just don't care!

I am now relenting, and begging for forgiveness! See i understand that I am in a trial, I am experiencing warfare being battled for my soul, and ya'll i'm loosing. I have not been praising God for much of anything even though I am truly blessed. I have not been thankful for everything I have been given, for the forgiveness I have received, or for the knowledge I am gaining by going through this valley in the roller coaster of my life. I understand that my pride and the entitlement I believe I should have mean nothing to anyone but me, and that it is because of these things that I am where I am.

I know I could be battling much bigger things such as my friend Lindsey battling cancer, and doing it graciously. I could be battling the loss of a family member, the lack of a job, or so many things that I am truly blesses to have, and yet I for the past 2 weeks have chosen to be a snot. To be upset with a superior at work who's main objective I have decided is to make my life miserable. How selfish am I to think that even his day revolves around me. My life and mood as of late have all been surrounded around the latest conflict, which brought up all the past frustrations that I have swept under the rug, not forgiven and forgotten, not even forgiven, just stored... Does anyone else store grievances? If you do I sooooo encourage you to take that jar and dump it, it is so not worth the bad moods and hatred that eventually cause so much distance from God!

Today while driving to work, I made a promise to myself that I would get my butt back in spiritual shape. This is one of the many steps I am taking to get it there, and while it is a struggle because hatred is so much easier for me than love, but I know that while I alone can not overcome this battle, that God has already won, and when I petition his help we will surely beat down whatever comes my way!!!