crazy mixed up little ol' me

So the past month has proved to be a very interesting mess. At the beginning of December, I was stuck in a rut. I was excited about the holidays to be sure, and yet my mood was still down. So down, I was creating drama within myself. I was holding grudges, not forgiving people I should.. I mean family is always supposed to be forgiven, but often I find they are the ones that I hold grudges against the longest. I guess I feel they should know me and they should know better than to commit whatever atrocity I believe they have committed. That being said, all has been forgiven and life will continue to happen as it did around me even though, at times, I was oblivious because it was consuming me.
Not only was I in the dumps about that, but I was once again feeling downtrodden with work and the people (mostly the students) I am surrounded by everyday. My students had they bi-semester hate-fest with me and brought some parts of myself to light... While I would have liked it handled differently, I can after long reflecting, that SOME of their complaints may be true. I do tend to be moody I'm a girl it's my prerogative... but I need to work on taking said mood out on the people around me... I get it. Their other complaints involved me being who I am and are part of why I believe God brought me here.
God wanted to teach me a lot.. and I needed it. When I get a calling to do something, I want to do it now! and while my heart said I am ready NOW! the rest of me wasn't. I am still learning a lot about myself and I believe to live is to learn, and if your not learning your not living. Learning has definitely been happening a lot lately and I want it to continue, maybe if I quit being so hard headed God won't have to keep trying to teach me the same things over and over, because honestly with every attempt they get harder and harder.
So to the mess, it has definitely been fun/interesting/different, with only a few exceptions... problem is I am not paying for them. So I went to a great party with some great friends whom I cherish and the people I have met through them are wonderful people as well. For this I am truly blessed... I often forget this b/c they now live so far away, but I am. The Party was great, except I let the habits from my life during the hiatus of walking with God peak through just a little bit. But innocent kissing... whats the harm except when there are multiple guys being kissed in one night.. oops!
The next weekend, was exciting for different reasons.. i was getting to leave town again! ugh another 8 hr drive, but this time i was getting to leave for 2 weeks!!! and ti was expected to be 2 weeks full of friends and family I couldn't wait. Also, There was Oysterfest, a party which had been talked up since taking the job here in wonderful Port Lavaca but the coach who hosts it, and the rest of the coaching staff. Needless to say, I was excited, I love a good party. The party was fun, I ate my first oyster ever, not too bad, but they were BBQ'd and I am not sure I am ready to venture to the raw ones yet.... :? Call me naive but I had no idea about the pretense that comes with eating oysters... until that night. Oh the things my coaching staff enlightens me about. I am sure a reminiscent post will ensue some day soon. So after the party a friend, and I use the term loosely, asked if i wanted to come hang out... well sure what harm can happen, he knows me, knows where i stand, and is a nice guy. We've hung out a lot nothing has ever happened, and again my naivety led to disaster. This time was a little different. It started out like any other time we hung out, watching football, chatting ya know normal friend activities. As I said earlier, I felt like I could trust this guy a little (if you know me you know I don't really fully trust anyone)and we have had personal conversations before. No big deal! Well it was late, and somehow I was leaning on his shoulder while sitting on the couch talking.... again an action I didn't think twice about. Well I guess I fell asleep. I vaguely remember him telling me to go to bed. Next thing I know, I wake up like 2 hours later in his bed with him. I have no idea about how i got there and got freaked and left. Imagine that. Left town the next morning and have suppressed this whole night.
I get to my parents house the next evening after playing Santa to my favorite family in Tyler... I really love those kids (shocking!) and of course their parents. I always enjoy my time with them and can't get enough of it!!! Once in Shreveport, my mom and I went shopping, then the parentals went to New Orleans to see my sister and her husband. Great i get to spend more time alone... I had plans of working out, and shopping, seeing all my friends, enjoying life with no commitments except to feed the dogs. Simple! Well, the working out didn't really happen, it was cold and rainy yuck!, the shopping of course did b/c well I believe shopping should be it's own sport, and friends, well they all still were working so no time for me. No biggie, I still enjoyed the time to myself (i guess it was the venue). Parents come back we have Christmas, and a few more mom sponsored shopping trips, and dad fixing my car to the detriment of my planned friend time in Tyler. I did however get to see my swim buddy and her fiance and that of course was great. Then it was time to get excited and packed for NYE in New Orleans!!! WOO HOO!
If you didn't know NYE is my 2nd favorite holiday after my Birthday of course! So Better than Ezra House of Blues, My flight attendant friend from High School and I were pumped! We get there, check in the hotel, get cute and to the Quarter we go. Once there, after wandering around trying to locate the House of Blues (I always get so lost there) we get there eat, and finally it time to get in tot he concert.. Woo Hoo!!! Walking in the door i met a guy who asked if I had ever heard Graham Col ton (the opening act ) which I had not, well he joined Friend and I to the bar with his friend, and the rest was set. navy boy and I spent the rest of the night together at the concert and New Years kisses were had! Innocent of course! Just a fun night with fun people. We added each other on Facebook and pictures have been shared. Well after the concert, I was not ready to go to bed and neither was he... so off to the bar at his hotel we headed.. well I never saw the bar as we ended up upstairs... some making out and cuddling was had. I went to my own Hotel sometime later that morning got a few hours of sleep, got up and had to fly then drive to get home. needless to say thanks to the open bar at the concert, new years day was a very LOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGG day!!!!!
Now being back the boys have stopped (at least for a while) although some communication with navy boy is happening. The drinking has not yet stopped, but is slowing down considerably.... the partying like a college kid... well, I need to get my life back to where it needs to be with GOD and That is NOT it!!! Parting can be fine, but the out of controlness from the past month... probably not portraying the best Christ like life. So Pray that God will continue to work through me, show me the way, the path He wants, and how to not stray from it. I realize that God is my reason for being here and trying to seek and find him needs to be my main focus.. So hopefully from now on, this is what you'll be reading here. My struggles and triumphs in this task!!!