snooze button

The last week I have been feeling more and more unlike myself, and realizing where I have been isn't what I want. So why do I keep behaving so... I don't know, but I realise there are many more things I don't know! I have been feeling like I'm here and living my life, but only going through the motions. I have not been "in" my life. I feel as if I haven't been "in love" with God, and I am not sure how to be. I believe in him, but trust, love, commitment, I don't know these words. What do they mean? What do they look like? Is there an action that goes with them or are they just descriptions? if so descriptions of what? My heart? my mind? the "whole" me?

I feel as if I am living my life lukewarm... I am not fully a part of anything, confused as to where I fit in, and where I belong. I want to be on fire in my life. I want to be passionate about God, but how do I get there? I thought once I was, and maybe that's true, but where did the Passion go? Was it real? How do I get it back? Am I like the church of Sardis? Spiritually dead appearing to be alive? I feel as if God is speaking to me directly through John and the book of relevation, saying "wake up!" Strengthen what little remains, for even what is left is almost dead. I find that your actions do not meet the requirements of my God. Go back to what you heard and believed at first: hold on to it firmly. Repent and turn to me again. If you don't wake up, I will come to you suddenly, as unexpected as a thief" Relevation 3:2-3 the question is how do you wake up? I just keep hitting the snooze button... laying in bed only half awake.